24 sept 2019 9:11pm IST
Psalm 90:10
Our days may come to seventy years,
or eighty, if our strength endures
The first surprise came in 2007 (I think), when a certain someone said to me, “You’re a doctor, how can you be ill?” Technically speaking, I was just a medical student back then, but I get the gist of the statement. The surprise came in two parts: one was during the same time that statement (or rather, question) came and I was like “Seriously! C’mon! I’m human too, you know!” The second part came about 12 years later (which is present day Isaac), I am like “To the people who seemingly thinks so high of doctors as to get ‘surprised’ when we got struck by infirmity, what’s with all this cursing-the-doctors-on-public-websites nonsense?!”
Health care profession to me is but a realization on a daily basis as to how powerless and still ignorant we are when it comes to life, and more so when I have to declare someone dead. And it seems that the more knowledge I gain, the less confident I become. With more knowledge comes a better understanding of the risks involve in treating a patient, which more often than seldom results in a still more timid me. Take for an example, Normal Delivery: during my internship I used to think that all I have to do is wait for the baby to come out and follow the protocol, and now all I think about is What if the mother has post-partum hemorrhage? What if the baby has Birth Asphyxia? What if there is uterine rupture? And all the possible complications come to mind. I can’t say all doctors share the same view, but I daresay most might.
We are all humans; we live under the same atmosphere. Our geographical locations, political boundaries, economic status, national policies and personal habits and attitudes may vary and affects our health differently but, in the end, we are all humans. And that includes doctors. And doctors can be as human as any human being in this world can be. We have emotions too: we feel pain, we feel anger, we feel happiness, we can also feel sad. I cried every time I watch Passion of Christ; I just have to! I can’t help it!
We are all humans also means we have the same flaws as anyone else. Some of us drink intoxicated drinks, so of us smoke cigarettes, you name it we are there. People often think (and say), Why don’t you do what you teach? But really, take a good look at our society, the human society. Who can point fingers at who? Don’t we all preach what we cannot do?
It struck me again when I had “yet another episode” of hematuria, which in laymen terms is simply put: blood in urine. So yes, I peed with blood is the common language. Hematuria is not uncommon to me; I literally peed a stone during my final year in college. It was not pretty, trust me. Anyhow, I thought, “Hey! Let me just drink plenty of water and this too shall pass.” Alas! To my dolor, water did not solve the problem. And somehow it got worse and I had to pop a pill every now and then. And did anyone say “Let the doctor rest”? No!
Long story short, I ended up in the operation theatre and my weenie hurts like never before. And that is when I took, for the first time in my life, a 21 days Medical Leave. I swear I literally count the seconds that tick away and boy they were slow! But they were the most precious 21 days of my life, the time I took to properly heal and properly rest my frail body.
The time I took to relax, think slow and deep, and ride the waves of emotions that has been piling inside of me which got neglected as I force-focus my head to work-slavery. Feeling the anxiety build up in me, and letting it cool down with words from the Bible. The time I took to rediscover my family: taking care of mom’s health, having deep conversation with dad, simultaneously loving and getting mad at my siblings. And not to miss out, the time I become fat again from the bests of my mom’s cooking.
I know that this has been repeated by senior and more experienced doctors, but it is my honor to do it justice at my own humble level by scribbling it down in my own words what our forefathers had most often said to us. So here goes:
Dear doctor,
Take care of yourself. Your body and the body of your patient are alike, anatomically and physiologically (perhaps minor differences, but same principle). Your body can suffer the same as that who comes and sits in your clinic. You are not immune to the diseases you read in your textbooks, nor are you immune to the diseases you fight with every day. Disease is a permanent part of this world, it will never cease, and it will affect you more than once in a life time. Others will not consider your health status, only you can, so you should.
As true as a loveless heart cannot give love unto others, it is nigh impossible to heal others when you yourself is inflicted with illness. And a doctor who can’t heal, is no doctor to the people.
Heart, Soul & Words 