I knew it was too good to happen to me and surely, before I can say ‘friend’ it was over. It was a mere friend request and giving it no more than a left mouse click on the ‘add’ button I accepted the request, mainly because I want to get rid of the notification that popped on my screen and partly because I am not that fussy to see what kind of person it is who wants to end up on my friend list. The only difference was the message I got soon after that said “wanna chat”; and verily, this changed me more than I had anticipated.
Not my nature but out of experience, I acted up a much intended display of confidence and pretending I don’t give a damn but I have to say this: the moment that message drew my attention I checked out the profile and my heart skipped a beat, I fell head over heels. So naturally I checked the info and found out that the friend list contained the amount of friends less than normal and pictures too good looking I tell myself it’s a fake profile, all the while hoping it was not. And I assumed from the ‘cold’ replies I gave, the messages would stop soon; who would possibly give much attention to chatting with a stranger like me and that too from a fake profile anyway?
But the messages didn’t stop, and every time we talked I had to look at that gorgeous profile picture displayed right in front of my eyes. I daresay it is sheer determination that kept me from melting for this angel, and my heart skipped more beats every time I look at the profile picture. First I would accuse of being a fake profile, but I let it slip that the photos in that profile were too good looking for me to talk to. No pouts of anger, no ‘f*ck you’ replies to such insults, just a gentle warm smile and telling me to believe what I want. It was more than I can take; I’m definitely falling for this mysterious angel.
My secret crush, that’s what I finally conclude it to. I hate it that I wake up every morning checking my inbox before I do anything, and I stay up really late just talking over facebook till I finally dozed off because there was no more reply from the other side. The moment I get up I switched on the computer and waited, continued with it from my phone wherever I go, only to get back to the computer and again continue it from my phone as I lay in bed. There was not a moment that I did not refresh my phone browser, afraid to leave a message unreplied even for a few seconds. I simply dedicated my entire time.
But as I wake up on a Saturday morn, hoping yet for another day of rendezvous with that gorgeous angel, none came. And as I write this,days passed, and even thought there is still a small part of me that hopes, most part of me says to let go and never to bother myself with it again. My heart still skipped beats when I look that those gorgeous photos. That angel, so charismatic, so gentle, my secret crush; the best thing I never had.