Agape 2

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True love does not always give you what you want, but always provides you with what you need.

I have two friends: one a toothless jerk and the other a loser of a blob. One would declare to love the other but from my point of view I’d say it is just self-deception, pathetic infatuation and selfish livelihood. One would say his heart’s desire and the other is always more than happy to oblige. It could sound reasonable from a distant but up close: ethanol is never good for viral invasions not to mention the normal liver, cold capsules does no benefit to the healthy body especially in higher doses, and what you say is never what you think when you’re the king of liars.

Whenever I think of the best example of true love I always automatically direct my thoughts to God. ‘God loves us’ is a universal saying be it or not understanding. We may try to accomplish many things, mostly our desires throughout our waking hours. But at the end of the day we all fall on our knees and pray desperately to God for a positive answer. But most of the time we get a negative answer. God answer prayers without fail no doubt, but His answers come in two forms: either a Yes or a No. And when (which is mostly) it’s a No, disappointments of varying degrees come in place which affect us to execute life in a most disturbed manner. After all, the imperfect human beings we are.

Life was, or so it seemed, hanging by a thread when I already lost a year in college and getting through my exams was not just necessary but felt like a life-and-death situation. With effort which I am not very proud of, yet exhausted all the more, I crawled through the university papers and went home totally limp. No prayers for performance, no prayers for fortune, there was absolutely no spirit in me. But getting through was my utmost desire and so I finally knelt down, broke down completely and asked for it like a child would to his father. I know what I want.

But that was not the answer I got. Rather, the answer was not towards my desire but completely opposite to it. When you know that the God you worship is Almighty and can do things completely out of this world if He pleases, and you asked for this simple thing with all your heart – humbled and desperate, and when you get a negative answer: that’s when things start to fall apart. Failure in life, disappointment in prayers, anger from family, embarrassment in the hostel, disrespect from friends and a big, throbbing pain just for the self. It becomes so easy to get angry at God, become rebellious or even worse – lose faith!

But the infallible truth remains that God loves me, even more that my own mother does. This true lover allows me to fail not only once but many times now, disappoint over and over again, fall for the worst kind of mistakes and crawl back up again. Then I’d throw tantrums, screamed and cried in agony, kicked and yelled in frustration before finally exhausting myself. And when the storm in me died down, that is when I’m able to start listening to the sweet voice of the true lover.

The sound of the voice that is relentlessly calling out to me, distant at first, became louder and louder. That is when I start to understand this love, the truest of all love that gave away life so precious but to conquer death, is more than willing to bless me; to bless me, not to grant my every wish but to bless me with my every need. The one that gave me grace and showed me mercy, the one that never flagged His glance upon me, the one who broke His heart first just so that He’s knows how to mend mine.

As of now, I know but in part and I proclaim but in part. These meager amounts of understanding I will make it suffice and choose instead to wait eagerly for that day when mine eyes shall fully open and see Him in all His glory, and understand not in part but in all sense of fullness. When those friends of mine gleefully narrate moments of seemingly blissful compatibility ending up in intoxicating haven, and to think of all the health concerns promptly followed by proclamation of their love for each other; it took all that I can muster not to sneer at their idiocy. For I strongly believe, and I know so, that true love does not always give you what you want, but will always provide you with what you need.

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